Monday, May 30, 2011

There's a Light

(Beth Nielsen Chapman)

Today I am feeling lonely. That's the bad news. But here's the good news, feeling lonely doesn't mean I deserve to feel lonely. It doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't make me undeserving of love. It's a simple feeling. I'm not anesthetizing this feeling. I'm just letting myself feel it. Dad used to say, "You get one day, Michelle. Go ahead and feel bad for one day, but then put it behind you and move on." So today...I'm feeling lonely...and tomorrow, I will put it behind me.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Continued thoughts on running...

One of the things I didn't write about in my last post was how I was feeling coming up to the race. Having had some knee problems, I was scared to race. I felt like I wasn't prepared and that I would do a terrible job. In my life, I avoid things that I feel like I can't do well, instead of facing them head on. All week long, even this morning, the tape playing in my head was, "Maybe I won't feel well on Sunday." or "No one will know if I don't run." or "What reason can I come up with to not run?" I started with justifications and reasoning myself right out of it. Even this morning, I arrived early and didn't see anyone I knew for 35 minutes. I thought about leaving.

But, I didn't. I ran.

I pushed myself to stay and see what would happen. This morning I also prayed A LOT! I wrote down scripture verses about fear and repeated them to myself. Once I ran into my friends who were running, there was no "escape", Thank God!

Once the race began, I felt great. I wish I could describe the feeling of running and what it means to me. Words fail me. I felt strong, motivated, happy, alive...see these words come close, but don't encompass the experience for me. I kept thinking, "I could have missed this!" And that's what I want to remember...the "I could have missed this!" feeling. That feeling will keep me running. I am truly proud of myself today. I made a real change in my life. So, June 11th...four mile twilight I come!

I am a runner.

"Chariots of Fire"

I wasn't planning on blogging about running, but then I thought...why not? This morning I ran my second 5K in Ashburn. I was literally scared of running today. My knee has been bothering me and I was scared that I wouldn't finish. My success is showing up and running it this morning when all I wanted to do was hide and skip it.

My first 5K was on April 30th...Run Me Home, sponsored by my church, LUMC. It was an amazing first race. I loved everything about it. The morning was cool...race started at 7:00, much of it was on the W&OD trail, lots of friendly faces around! (Runners are some of the nicest and most supportive people around!) Here is a picture of my running in my very first 5K....

Today, May 22nd, my second 5K was in Ashburn Village. The race started at 8:00, LOTS more people, very crowded, NO shade, LOTS of hills, and the 5K and 10K started together...didn't like that. But, I had my new Enell Running Bra on, a hat to keep those whispy hairs from flying in my eyes, my iPod with my killer playlist, and my positive attitude. 

Every time I run, I learn something new. That's one of the reasons I love running. Today I learned that I need to continue to work on my cardio. My knee, my legs, my body was prepared to keep running, but I couldn't catch my breath. I am looking forward to continuing my training to fix that problem. I need to remember that I began running February 28th. Before that I was completely sedentary. My running journey continues....and I am loving it! 

This morning I found some scripture verses to inspire me to continue. There are the ones that helped me this morning: 

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13 NIV

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) (American Standard Version)

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:14 New International Version

Musings and thoughts...