Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Starting off with honesty

I'm in a strange place in my life. A week and a half ago, my life was headed in a completely different direction. It's the cliche, life can change in an instant, well, it's a cliche for a reason. I feel disingenuous by not owning up to the pain that I'm feeling. Working to move on from the pain is kind of like ignoring it. I don't want to ignore it, but I don't want to wallow and I certainly don't want to talk about it. Move on. That's what I want to do. An adoption was supposed to happen and now it's not going to. That's my story today. Just below the surface is pain and I'm waiting for it to sink deeper and deeper so it won't bubble up suddenly. Once it becomes part of me, I feel like I'll be able to forge ahead with my life.

We all have stories of joy, pain, growth, learning, change...this is mine right now. I need another focus while I heal...writing. Writing has always been a salve for me and my pain. Writing through things help me figure them out, but that's not what I'm talking about. I want to write. Writing is freedom to me. Escaping into a world of my own creation. Perhaps that's one reason why author is such an attractive word to me.

I received many comments (and THANK YOU for the comments, by the way) wondering where this word will take me. I'm imagining a new life for me than the one I had planned. Becoming an author. Now, I just need to find my story. 

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